Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
