I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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