dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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