Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
