i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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