i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
