I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
