so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
