The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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