Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
