Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
