I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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