in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
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I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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