Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
