he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
