i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
