When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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