I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
