If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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