I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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