I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
