Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
