Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
