And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
