Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
im holly from the hills drunk
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
cat food counts as protein by the way
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
