I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
