he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Your cock deserves a montage
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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