I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
this will be a night to untag.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
