If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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