Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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