No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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