There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
