Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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