Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
