sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
