A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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