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• (240): View more from Maryland

  So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?

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  23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.

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• (763): View more from Minnesota

  Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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  These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?

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• (627): View more from California

  some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.

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