So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.