So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.