Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
