If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
