I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
