Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
