were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it was like eating out sand paper
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
