Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
