I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
