John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
