...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
