I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
