The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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