Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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