so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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