What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
