I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
