Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
