So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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