Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
