I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
