For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
