We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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