He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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