I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
