You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
