If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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