i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
