He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
