Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
