When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize