The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she peed on how many people?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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