Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
