Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
