so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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