I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
