Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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