i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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