I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He did a backflip because drugs
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
