so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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