Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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