Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I am one with the molecules
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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