She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
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You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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