i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
