Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
