Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
